Let's start with Winterfell, Despite his apparent triumphs, Theon is not having a great time. Yara rides into town, casually dominating the place with her sheer baller-ness. Instead of enforcements, she's brought a mandate — daddy Greyjoy wants Theon to come on home. See, it turns out they Greyjoys don't actually want Winterfell. A castle hundreds of miles from water doesn't really do them any good, especially now that Theon has pissed off the entire north by killing Bran and Rickon. Yara sums it up in her uniquely eloquent way: “Are you the dumbest c*nt alive?”
Now lets go to Beyond the Wall with my Favorite Character Jon Snow.
Way up north, Ygritte hands Jon over to a man named the Lord of Bones. That's the bad news. The worse news is that the Lord of Bones already has a Night's Watch prisoner: Qhorin Halfhand. Ygritte has to talk the Lord of Bones out of gutting Jon, arguing that as Ned Stark's bastard, he might be of interest to Mance Rayder. So now she and Jon are even.
Qhorin and Jon talk as prisoners. Jon admits he couldn't kill Ygriette. Qhorin is all yeah, I figured that one out, and now I'm going to die because of it. See that it wasn't for nothing
Now for a little romance starting Robb and Talisa.
Robb and Talisa walk slowly through some beautiful woods, chatting about the woman Robb has to marry and how amazing Ned was and all of Robb's feelings about his war and blah blah blah. The point is, Robb's a good person and they're bonding. But! Their romantic walk is interrupted by the news that Jaime has escaped. How? How could this terrible thing happen?
Yeah, it was Cate. She let Jaime go in the hopes that she could get Sansa and Arya back. And you know what? She's not apologizing for it, even if it has pissed off all of Robb's men. Robb declares she needs to have guards on her from now on. Given that her biggest moves so far have been arresting one Lannister for no reason and letting another go, that's probably a good idea. Robb also sends a ton of men after Jaime.
Later, Roose Bolton assures Robb once again that his bastard will take care of the Winterfell situation, and Robb decides that any of the Iron Born who surrender will be free to go home — except Theon, of course. Roose thinks the rest will turn on the “Prince of Winterfell,” and we're inclined to agree. Poor Theon. Literally no one in Westeros likes him.
Roose leaves and Talisa shows up, and asks how Robb is. Answer: So not good. They dance around apologizing to each other, Robb shares his worries about being a good King, and then she tells a really unnecessarily long story about how her brother almost died until a slave saved him, and that's why she's a nurse. Then they have sex! Even though Robb is supposed to be marrying someone else! That seems ill-advised, and we're not sure if we're sold on this romance, but at least it's really good sex. It's nice to see a sex scene on this show where both people are into it.
Later, Roose Bolton assures Robb once again that his bastard will take care of the Winterfell situation, and Robb decides that any of the Iron Born who surrender will be free to go home — except Theon, of course. Roose thinks the rest will turn on the “Prince of Winterfell,” and we're inclined to agree. Poor Theon. Literally no one in Westeros likes him.
Roose leaves and Talisa shows up, and asks how Robb is. Answer: So not good. They dance around apologizing to each other, Robb shares his worries about being a good King, and then she tells a really unnecessarily long story about how her brother almost died until a slave saved him, and that's why she's a nurse. Then they have sex! Even though Robb is supposed to be marrying someone else! That seems ill-advised, and we're not sure if we're sold on this romance, but at least it's really good sex. It's nice to see a sex scene on this show where both people are into it.
Now lets visit King's Landing with the Imp.
First, we're treated to a cute Tyrion-Bronn bromance scene, which Varys interrupts so they can all ponder exactly how screwed they are when Stannis lays siege to the city. We learn that Bronn and the rest of the City Watch have started rounding up and, it's implied, killing thieves. His logic is that in a siege, the worst thing is not the fighting, but the starving, and thieves are the ones that prosper. Desperate times and all that. We also learn that Stannis knows King's Landing really well. Basically, things are gonna suck.
Then Tyrion and Cersei have yet another sizzling scene. He suggests Joffrey go into battle, but she sees through that: He's trying to get Joff killed. No kidding. But Cersei thinks she has the upper hand, because she has captured Tyrion's beloved prostitute. Peter Dinklage does a magnificent job showing Tyrion internally freaking out while he tries to maintain his external cool.
Then Tyrion and Cersei have yet another sizzling scene. He suggests Joffrey go into battle, but she sees through that: He's trying to get Joff killed. No kidding. But Cersei thinks she has the upper hand, because she has captured Tyrion's beloved prostitute. Peter Dinklage does a magnificent job showing Tyrion internally freaking out while he tries to maintain his external cool.
Now off to Qarth with mommy Daenerys.
Speaking of Daenerys and her dragons, Jorah has found a ship and is ready to skip town tomorrow, but Daenerys's not having it. Her dragons are her babies, even if Jorah doesn't agree. He says some logical things about how the warlocks are powerful and she really has no leverage, but she has the upper hand here, because he's desperately in love with her. She strokes his beard and asks him to take her to the dragons, and he's alluh...
We're not sure what, if any, feelings she has for him, but she sure can play him like a fiddle.
We're not sure what, if any, feelings she has for him, but she sure can play him like a fiddle.
The Episode ends with showing Bran is still alive and is hiding under Theon's nose the last place the will look.
1 comment:
Top of the range, very interesting and lovely review.
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